Re-Programming Our Minds To Become Better Adults
Reprogramming our minds in order to become mature adults is a lengthy process that involves getting to know ourselves on a deeper lever in order for growth to take place. Becoming an adult takes on a process of re-birth.

BRONX, NY, June 05, 2009 /24-7PressRelease/ -- Reprogramming our minds in order to become mature adults is a lengthy process that involves getting to know ourselves on a deeper lever in order for growth to take place. Becoming an adult takes on a process of re-birth. Envision the pain a woman goes thru to give birth to a normal seven pound baby. Now envision yourself physically giving birth to a 150 pound, 5ft 8inches grown person. You are already blacking out from the thought of the sheer pain. Although physically giving birth to a full grown person is physically impossible, the emotional process or re-birth will cause an equal amount if not massive amount of pain.

Most of us in our adult life are operating on the same level as we saw our parents operating while we were growing up. That is understandable since they were our original role models. We may find ourselves screaming, shouting and behaving in a completely inappropriate manner or we may find ourselves involved with individuals who are cold, calculating and dispassionate in their dealing with us. Unfortunately, this may have been the way we saw our parents interacting with each another. Or because of the proper, ultra-strict manner in which we were brought up having to say the right things at all times, we never got the chance to be children. We may have been chastised for skipping, dancing, laughing too hard, playing music too loud, not saying good morning at the right time, forgetting to speak to our Elders properly or even worse, we spoke to our Elders as if we were speaking to our friends. Growing up with such restrictions curtails the natural growth process of being a child. We become so strung out emotionally due to the continuous repression of natural emotions that by the time we become adults we are walking time bombs waiting for the right trigger.

Expressing our emotions healthily is what defines and separate us from being children. Therefore, if we are unable to express our emotions or we express them in an unhealthy manner it can become frustrating to the point of exasperation to others who are involved in our lives. If we recognize that we have a difficult time expressing our emotions now is the time to start looking deep within yourself to identify where this problem stems from. The individual who has a difficult time expressing his or herself will attract a person who expresses their emotions unhealthily. Both individuals were never given the opportunity as children to express themselves. Our childhood is where we learn and carve out our identity. Therefore, if our self-expression is stifled then we will grow up not knowing who we are and will spend our adult life feeling empty and lost.

From an external perspective some of us are able to function quite well in a professional environment, but in our personal life we are an emotional wreck about to happen or is already happening. We can even seem to have the perfect family, but within us we are holding on by a thread and just waiting for the least little thing which will make us snap. We may find ourselves identifying with our jobs or even with our idyllic image of our family which may look real on the outside, but is fake behind closed doors. It is common to find individuals hiding behind the latest accessories on the market, the newest car which symbolizes status or they may purchase a house out of their price range just to make it seem as if they have the perfect life. They are ashamed of what they may be feeling so they overcompensate. They join the most exclusive Country Clubs, hob-know with who they think are the right people, drink the right wines, vacation in the right areas and they talk the talk of high-society. But it is all a smoke screen to really hide what they feel inside. Unfortunately, a lot of us are like that and when one of those things begins to crumble, we begin to lose it. We begin to feel as if our lives are slipping away from right under us. Interestingly though, when our seemingly idyllic life begins to crumble, it means that our rightful life is making its way through. Some of us are unable to handle losing the life we have always known. It may have made us sick to be a part of that life because of the parts of us that we may have had to give up, but it was still all the life we have ever known. Some people crack under the pressure by committing suicide or become so depressed that they stop living mentally. They become disillusioned, hard and calculating. But this does not have to be the end of living. This is an opportunity for us to grow ourselves and begin creating the life that is really meant for us. So how do we make way for our new lives to emerge?

First we need to start taking responsibility for changing our lives and what's not working. Second, we begin learning how to recognize the emotional baggage that is filling up our minds. This is the left over baggage from our childhood. The baggage we received from our parents. Now this is not a blaming or pointing fingers exercise. However, it is an exercise wherein we learn how to appropriate the responsibilities of the duties that were bestowed upon our parents. It is also not enough to say our parents did not know any better and then leave it alone. While this maybe true it does not negate the fact that our parents did place their learned behaviour on us. Dismissing our parent's behaviour by sweeping it under the rug prevents us from acknowledging the role they played in placing their baggage on us. But how do we acknowledge and hold our parents responsible? Well we can do this by expressing our anger. Begin by writing a letter to our parents (make sure not to post it or maybe burn it when completed) outlining the issues they caused us in our adult life. It is cathartic to get stuff out of us. It is the things that we are holding onto deep within that prevents us from moving forward in our rightful life. Sometimes we keep our anger regarding issues so tightly bottled up that when something traumatic occur everything that we have ever held unto spills out in the open. Don't despair because as long as your anger comes up and out of you then your healing process has begun and you will be able to move forward. While you may lose friends along the way, understand that you have both fulfilled the purpose you had served in each other's life and it's now time to move on. However, know that if someone is a true friend they will understand what you are going thru and will stick around to help you work thru it. You may even say hurtful things, but it's also part of the process. Learn to forgive yourself and sincerely apologize to others if you need to and then continue moving forward with or without them in your life. Another huge sifter of our emotions is crying. Crying is pain leaving the body. Don't be afraid to really cry. Holler down the place if you have to. Set aside some time to do so in private. This will help you to dislodge deep dark emotions and get them to the surface.

We live life thru trial and error by constantly knocking heads with each other. All of us are trying to get our lives right and some of us may not know how or even have the right tools to help us get to where we want to go. We may never get it perfectly right, but that is the beauty of becoming mature adults. If our lives do not look the way we need it to be, we can change it. By having a constant desire to always wanting what works best for us we will constantly work on ourselves and by doing so move closer to the life that we desire. Removing emotional baggage can be quite draining. So in the meantime it is important to fill our lives with loving things that will help to facilitate our happiness and bring more joy into our lives. Take time out at times to do something special for ourselves. In other words periodically reward ourselves for the work that we have accomplished so far. That will help to keep us sane. It will also help us to not become too bogged down and overwhelmed with our re-programming and growth process.

Re-programming our minds to become healthy and mature adults is not an overnight process. The re-birth process is not the same for everyone and no two people will be on the same path at the same time. Keep in mind that the process and the path are like two trains heading to Grand Central Terminal. They may have the same end destination but one train maybe coming from Connecticut while the other is coming in from North White Plains. They are both on different tracks, path and schedule, but they are heading for the same final destination. It is vital that we are patient with ourselves while we go thru this transformation. By becoming patient with ourselves we learn to be patient with others. Our discomfort with our growth is evident when we become annoyed at what we perceive as the slow growth of someone else. We need to remember that we can't drive someone else's car for them. Concentrate on driving our own cars in our individual lanes on the highway that is our life.

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Trudy-Ann Ewan
Create Your Passion Life Coachin
Creative Life Coach
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Bronx, NY
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